Struggles

I found a book at Hobby Lobby several months ago, bought it, started reading it and then left it on my bookshelf. A week ago it was brought to my attention and I began to read it again.

For quite some time I have been praying about my marriage and the frustrations that I have been facing. It didn’t seem that things were getting better and I found myself growing more distant and resentful.

On many occasions as I cried out to God, He would gently show me that I was being the selfish one and always offered encouragement to change my behavior. Each time my attitude would change for a short time and then slowly revert back to wrong thoughts and actions. I easily fell into the traps of bitterness and resentment which I allowed to created more and more distance between us.

Several months ago I spoke with our pastor about my situation and he loving listened to my complaining. All I was doing was pointing out what I felt my husband was doing wrong not my actions or attitude which were also contributing to my unhappiness.

He prayed for us and told me to look for the little moments. To choose to see them and be grateful for them. I felt better after talking with him and over the next few months I did see little moments that I would have missed had I not been looking for them.

Along with the little moments there were still trigger moments that set my mind racing back to being angry, resentful and distancing myself from my husband. It was sad how quickly I would loose ground with just a simple action.

At church a few weeks ago the message was on love and the different types of love. As an example he said, “You love your spouse differently than you love pizza even though you say you love them both.” Then he said, “Love your spouse.” It was one of those moments that I felt as if I was the only person in the room and the words were spoken into a megaphone directly to me. God was sending me a very clear message.

I went home intending to enjoy a nice afternoon indoors when I was lead to pick up the book I had left on the shelf months ago. It’s called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. It asks, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” The book doesn’t tell you how to build a better marriage; it shows you how your marriage can help you deepen your relationship with God.

As I highlighted words that challenged my behavior and attitude it seemed that it was quickly becoming more of a coloring book. So many things about my actions and heart were confronted with God’s word and Jesus’ example of living with a servants heart.

One caption in the book stated, “Don’t run from the struggles of marriage. Embrace them. Grow in them. Draw nearer to God because of them. Through them you will reflect more of the spirit of Jesus Christ. And thank God He has placed you in a situation where your spirit can be perfected.”

“Struggle makes us stronger; it builds us up and deepens our faith. But this result is achieved only when we face the struggle head on. If your marriage is tough, get down on your knees and thank God that He has given you an opportunity for unparalleled spiritual growth. You have the prime potential to excel in Christian character and obedience.”

I was reminded that, “If we take our faith seriously and make our way through a difficult marriage in pursuit of witnessing God’s reconciling love for a sinful world, then a difficult marriage becomes part of our exercise to prepare us for heaven.” That is true of every relationship.

I believe that God is offering me opportunities for refinement. I want to be a woman after God’s own heart and His heart is one of showing unconditional love to everyone all the time. He blessed me with my spouse because He knew that together we have the potential to develop our character into the best possible versions of ourselves. That development is through refinement and learning to handle every situation through the mindset that it is preparing us for eternity.

Each struggle is an opportunity to respond as Jesus would and often requires sacrifice, perseverance, grace, forgiveness and love. Those characteristics are a result of practice and refinement over time.

It’s uncomfortable to share my shortcomings and struggles. But I also believe that I need learn humility as well. I pray that you will bear with me in this journey of refining my character and I hope that it will be used for God’s glory.

My Prayer

Father, thank you hearing me and showing me that You have a purpose to the struggles. Forgive my selfish attitude and help me to humbly submit to Your refining in my life. Thank you for my husband and help me love him fully and in a way that honors You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Where does my help come from?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8,13 (MSG)

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.