Words

Remember the old adage, ‘Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me’.  It is said to have been written to show that true courage consists in doing what is right, despite the jeers and sneers of our companions.  According to Wikipedia the rhyme persuades the child victim of name calling to ignore the taunt, to refrain from physical retaliation, and to remain calm and good-living.  Sometimes that is easier said than done.

When we started remodeling our home we both had ideas of what we would like to do.  I began to pick out paint colors and decor ideas that I would share with Tracy.   He would listen and then suggest something else.  This happened often and I was beginning to wonder if my opinion even mattered. 

Then one day as I was unpacking some decor from our previous home and laying it out to be arranged in the new home, Tracy spoke his mind.  He told me that my decorating ideas were dull and boring.  He works in the construction industry and he sees all the latest trends and my ideas were nowhere near modern or trendy.

While I tried to appreciate his feedback and the truth that he does work in the industry and wants to make this house ready for resale in a few years,  I have to say that my feelings were deeply hurt.  I don’t know why this struck such a nerve in me because I would rather have him be completely honest with me that to pacify me and dislike the outcome.

One year for Thanksgiving we were going to have a ham.  He likes it and I don’t, but I was given one from my employer and as you know there are always several other options with that meal.  My sister was invited over and we shared some fun memories of cooking adventures.   The previous year she had bought a year subscription to a Martha Stewart cookbook series for me.  All year long Tracy was a good sport at trying new recipes and never complained.  She mentioned renewing the subscription for the new year and Tracy promptly said, “NO! Don’t every buy her that again.”  It was so funny!  He had had his fill of fancy dishes and ingredients that were hard to pronounce. 

Our agreement had been that he would try all of them, but if he didn’t like it I wouldn’t get offended and upset.  That had worked well for us and continues to do so.  The ham that I received had a glaze that would be added after it cooked, which I did.  Dinner started and everyone seemed to be enjoying their meal.  Then Tracy, after tasting his ham, stood up from the table, took his ham to the sink and rinsed it off.  Then he sat back down and finished his meal.  

No worries.  He obviously didn’t like the glaze, but liked the ham.  No offense given or taken.  Later my sister asked if I was alright and said how surprised she was by Tracy’s actions.  “If someone did that to food I prepared, it would be the last time I prepared them food.”  I laughed again and said that it was how we did things.  I wouldn’t want him choking down food he didn’t like, I would rather he was truthful…..until…he said I was dull and boring. 

Later that night he apologized for the way the words came out and he knew that they had hurt me.  I believe he was sincere, but the words had been said and they cut deep.  I was having a hard time remembering our agreement, “If you don’t like it, it’s okay to say so without offense.”  I was finding it hard to “ignore the taunt, to refrain from physical retaliation, and to remain calm and good-living.”

For the next several weeks I replayed those words in my mind each time adding fuel to a fire burning inside of me.  My physical retaliation came in the form of avoiding him.  When he would ask my opinion I would tell him to do whatever he wanted.  My pity party was in full swing and I figured that my opinion didn’t matter anyway so do it yourself.

One morning while running on the treadmill a song by Casting Crowns played called “The Voice of Truth.”  I was very convicted about my actions and thoughts because none of them had been done with time spent thinking about what was true.

I began to think about what was true and even looked around to see if maybe, Tracy was right.  When I looked with open eyes I discovered that he was right.  I tend to be very safe and reserved when it comes to decorating.  The only exception being that I always want a yellow room that’s bright and cheery.  

Tracy asked me to trust him.  He wanted a deep red wall in our bedroom and I couldn’t see his vision.  So that night he said he would take care of it and told me to go watch a movie while he worked.  He unpacked several boxes of Italian decor that I was going to give away and by the time he was finished I had a beautiful master suite retreat!

The room is warm and inviting, has beautiful vines, live palms, Italian charm and is more than I could imagine.  Italy is my dream destination and he said this way I could experience a taste of it everyday.

Stepping aside was the right thing to do in that situation, but I continued to think on the words he said and they became a challenge to me.  I discovered that I do play it safe and can be boring and dull in several areas of my life.  I can be very routine and that can get boring and dull.  It was time to shake things up a bit.

There are a lot of colors out there beyond earth tones.  The pumpkin spice wall in my living room is so bold and accents the room is such an amazing way.  I have my sunshine kitchen and recently I finished decorating my office with a nautical theme which included fishing nets on the walls and over the curtains.  Wow!  Who knew that this could be so much fun!

When I listened to those words through the voice of truth, they took on whole new meaning.  Instead of hurt and offence, they became an opportunity for growth and change.  When I realized that I was being boring and dull, I was given the choice to stay that way or change.  I don’t want to be boring or dull and change guarantees adventures!

My prayer

Father, I thank you for truth!  Sometimes the truth is hard to hear and even harder to apply, but it’s worth it.  You will always speak truth to me and I am grateful that You have placed people in my life who will do the same.  Thank you for color, for opportunities to change and the adventures that come with both.  Amen.

Where does my help come from?

John 8:32

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”