Walk Boldly
Remember in yesterday’s blog how I said that I wanted to be a woman with a trusting heart and how timely the message on fear was? Well God was going to give me an opportunity to practice becoming that woman.
Each year I make sure that I get all my preventative doctor’s appointments scheduled and completed. I compare my test results with the previous year and always hope that the cholesterol levels and weight are better than the year before. This year when I went to my mammogram I was given the option to have it done in 3D. If I opted for this I would have to pay $100.00 because my insurance would only paid the cost for a 2D version. My thought was, the reason I’m doing this is early detection, why wouldn’t I want the best possible way to do that, so I opted for the 3D.
The technician is a very sweet lady that I’ve met several times over the years. She told me not to be surprised if they called me back for more views. They would be establishing a baseline with the 3D as they had done years before with the 2D. So when the call came I didn’t worry and went back in for another scan.
The second scan would be taken at the hospital. I didn’t think anything of that because I’ve had them done there before. A different technician named Brenda was performing the scans. I asked her if everything was alright and if this was just additional pictures for the baseline, she paused and said, “no.” The 3D scan had detected something and they wanted to find out what it was.
That got my attention. My heart quickened and prayers started flying. She took the scan and went to talk with the radiologist, then they both came back and gave me an update. The radiologist told me that the scan was correct, something was there and they needed to find out what it was. The next step would be an ultra sound which should give them more information. If by chance that revealed more, then they would need to do a biopsy.
The word biopsy instantly struck me with fear. Just like that description of a small sword thrusting into me. I continued to pray for peace, wisdom and a favorable outcome. I’ve had an ultra sound before and the results were favorable so I kept replaying that in my mind. But this time that wasn’t the case. The ultra sound confirmed that the tissue needed to be removed and a biopsy was scheduled for an hour later.
I called Tracy and Audra and asked them for prayers. They both offered to be there with me, but they were both at work and by the time they could get there it would be done. I sat in the waiting room and cried and prayed, I was not alone. God was right there with me. I had a copy of my Sunshine Prophesy on my phone and I read it and re-read it several times. Each time I began to feel the fear leaving. Then it was time, the technician asked if I was ready and we began to walk down the hall.
In that moment in the hall there was only the technician, me and God. He spoke to my heart so clearly, “Walk Boldly into the future for I hold the future and I AM the future.” It was as if He was carrying me down the hall and reassuring me that regardless of the outcome, He would be with me.
The procedure took about 45 minutes and several times I was required to hold completely still while tissue was removed, a chip was inserted and scans were repeated. Brenda was like an angel beside me who would always lightly rub my shoulder during the most painful parts and whisper reassurance to me. Then the waiting began. Results would take 3 days and that gave the enemy a lot of time to taunt me.
One day was especially hard because I allowed my mind to think about the “what ifs.” I began to try and figure things out on my own, the planner in me had kicked into overdrive. Questions flew through my mind like, “is this why You had us move, so I could be closer to a treatment center?” I even called my insurance company to get pre authorization for possible treatments. That night I broke down and cried and Tracy asked if I had contacted my bible study ladies to pray, I hadn’t, so I did. He said that it would make him feel better knowing they were praying for me and he said, “Launa, God says not to worry. You’re worrying.” He was right. God had told me to walk boldly and here I was floundering around terrified. So I began to repeat His words over and over until I felt confident and trusted Him.
When I spoke with the doctor about the results he said that it was the right call to remove all the tissue, it was creating a problem and if it had remained, it would have resulted in a much bigger problem. The tests results said it was benign. Praise God!
The next morning during my quiet time as I was continuing to thank God for the outcome He gave me another word, it was from Luke 8:48 (MSG), which was my verse for that day. “Jesus said, “Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you’re healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!”
My prayer
Micah 7:7 – But as for me, I will look to the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me
Father, thank you for lessons in trust and as always You are faithful. I am overwhelmed by Your love for me. That You would speak such powerful words for me to hang on to. That You would walk me down halls of the unknown with peace and confidence. That You would bring me through trials and tests and still speak blessings on my life. I am in awe of You. I am so blessed that You are My God. I pray I will walk boldly into the future that You hold, remembering that You are already there. Amen
Where does my help come from?
Hebrews 13: 5-7 (NLT)
“For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”
So we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear.”