Living with Difficult People

When you read the title of today’s message you probably felt a hint of familiarity. We’ve all come across someone who is difficult to get along with and when possible, we avoid them and steer clear of their path.

But how do you handle that type of person when it’s your husband? Abigail was married to a man named Nabal and he was a difficult man. His name means fool and he lived up to that definition. His servants described him as being such a wicked man that no one can talk to him. (1 Samuel 25: 17)

Abigail couldn’t avoid crossing his path so she learned how to live with a difficult person. She used wisdom, discretion and grace. She knew when to act quickly and when to wait until the right moment to speak.

David and his men had been protecting the flocks and herds of Nabal from the marauders. When the sheep-shearing season arrived, he sent a few men to speak with Nabal and ask for a few supplies.

Being the fool that he was, rather than providing them with gifts of thanks for their service, he insulted David and sent them away empty handed. David’s response was just as foolish. He gathered 400 trained warriors together to take vengeance on Nabal and his household.

One of the servants told Abigail what Nabal had done and warned her that disaster was hanging over the master and his entire household. Their very lives were in danger because he was such a wicked man that no one could reason with him.

Have you ever been in Abigail’s situation? Dealing with trouble that was brought on by someone else? Needing to fix problems that you didn’t create? How did you handle those situations?

The bible says that Abigail lost no time. She immediately took charge of the situation and gathered supplies together and set out to meet David. Imagine the courage that would take. Going against the will of an arrogant husband and heading towards a vengeful army.

When she saw David she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before him with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “My Lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what your servant has to say.” (1Samuel 25: 23-24)

Abigail humbly spoke to David about the situation and in the process reminded him of God’s plan for his life. She stepped out in faith, believing God for the outcome and spoke with wisdom and grace.

Her well placed words hit their mark and David was calmed down. He praised God that He had sent Abigail to meet him and blessed her for her good judgment and preventing bloodshed that would have taken place had he avenged himself.

Once crisis had been averted and now she went home to face another. Upon arriving home she found her husband holding a large banquet, in high spirits and very drunk. So she told him nothing until daybreak. The next morning, when Nabal was sober, she told him everything that had happened.

Imagine the adrenaline that must have been running through her and yet she showed wisdom in waiting to speak until his mind was clear. Her discretion must have been developed over the years as she learned how to deal with a difficult husband.

We are always surrounded by people at home, the workplace, church, our neighborhood or somewhere else. How do we live with them and respond to them with Godly wisdom?

When we respond to a crisis, do we make it better or worse? With as many difficult people that we know, could we also be guilty of being a difficult person in someone else’s life?

Those are some tough questions, but Abigail proved that we can use discretion and wisdom to respond in the way that God would want us to. Sometimes that response will require action and words spoke with truth and love. Other times it will require patience and not speaking until the right moments.

Either way, our relationship with Christ will direct our steps and our words.

My Prayer

Father, I thank you for clear direction in how to deal with difficult people. Help us be like Abigail and use wisdom, discretion and grace. Please forgive me when I’m being difficult with others and help me to make amends when I have been that way. Guard my words and let them honor You. Develop patience and discretion in my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Where does my help come from?

Proverbs 19:14

“May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

Psalm 141:3-4

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.
 Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil so that I take part in wicked deeds along with those who are evildoers; do not let me eat their delicacies.”